A daily morning routine is something the entire population of the world has in common. Mine consists of the following, barely changing, otherwise it wouldn’t be a routine would it –sheesh!
I slowly emerge from the land of nod as daylight brutally assaults my still closed eyes. No matter which way I turn in bed; no matter how hard I try to pull the duvet over my head, daylight wins.
My feet act on their own, swinging out of bed closely followed by my body. My brain however is still snuggled down in the warmth of the bed. Now in my divided state, I’m instantly grumpy as my body walks to the bathroom bleary eyed. Next comes further walking, this time to the kitchen.
My body goes into auto-pilot mode. Get kettle, take same to sink. Remove lid, place under tap; turn on tap, fill kettle, replace lid, plug in. With eyes that still refuse to open properly find coffee jar, open, find measuring spoon, place large scoop of coffee into coffee plunger.
Go to living room, open curtains. Curse as my body reacts to toe stubbed on table leg – my brain sniggers to itself, still in bed, it didn’t feel a thing. Turn on television for breakfast news programme. My body sits in favourite chair; my brain is still in bed and showing no sign of joining my body yet.
My brain yells to my body from the comfort of bed, “Turn the damned kettle on you plonker!” My body stumbles through door to the kitchen stubbing more toes on the half open door. My brain chuckles to itself from the comfort of bed. My body now hates my brain.
Kettle boils. My body slowly reacts still on auto-pilot. The coffee plunger is filled, my body takes it into the living room and places same beside my favourite chair on small table. My left hand mysteriously operates on its own as it pushes plunger down. The same hand picks up coffee plunger, pours coffee into mug.
Both of my hands now search for tobacco and cigarette papers, roll first fag of the day, sticks same in my body’s mouth, picks up lighter, lights fag, my body takes first deep drag on fag. My left hand picks up coffee mug, my right hand holds fag while my other hand lifts mug to my mouth. My mouth drinks coffee, my right hand replaces fag in my mouth.
Instant transformation – my brain rejoins my body assisted by caffeine and nicotine. Now my day can begin at last…
Jack Eason – author of Onet's Tale