Month: September 2011

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Who would you most liked to have met?

In my own case, there is only one person from days gone by – Wyatt Earp.Read Here The man totally fascinates me. The real Earp hardly bares any resemblance to the Hollywood version portrayed by countless actors over the years. When you read my article in “Angie’s DIARY”, I think you may be surprised.

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Goblin Tales For Adults – even another update

 Boggis

Sometimes when you write a tale, you fly through it. At other times not. This current goblin tale (No:24 in the anthology of thirty) I’m working on, definitely falls into the second category. It concerns the youngest of the goblin brothers – Byzantine Du Lac. Byz is a problem child. Being simple-minded, his brothers despair of him. He just simply seems incapable of growing up. Maybe he never will, who knows?

I’ll have to wait for Glob to return. I need more information from him about Byz. Hopefully between us we can discuss young Byz’s problems and try to make sense of this child of nature. Meantime he can be found hiding under his bed playing with spiders, earwigs, wood lice, worms and snails.

Whoever said that writing a book is easy should try solving the problems of a character like young Byz.

Hey ho, back to work.

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Cold Callers

Imagine if you will the following scenario:
As a writer your thoughts are fully immersed in the story you are currently working on. Either the hero is about to rescue the damsel in distress, or, the evil villain in the story is poised to strike, when…
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I was knee-deep in the plot of my current work in progress a few minutes ago, closely following my train of thought, when some bloody crettin knocked on my door.
I hate cold callers and being disturbed by anything, or anyone when I’m writing – most writers do.
Before you start accusing me of being an old grouch, no I am not, but even I have my limits. I put down my laptop and went to answer the knocking on my door, only to find there was no one there. I went to the kitchen window and peered out to see a fully paid up member of the local ‘God Squad’, carrying his leaflets down the street.
***
To all cold callers:
No I don’t want to be saved! Nor do I want double glazing, if you bothered to look you nitwit, you would see my home already has it! No I don’t want a subscription to this or that magazine. No I don’t want to buy a tonne of coal, I have no fireplace. No I don’t want to change my energy supplier, and no I don’t want to buy a dozen bloody eggs!
Just go away and leave me be – grrr.
Aah, that’s better, spleen vented. Now back to my latest storyline, And no more bloody interruptions, thank you very much!
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The seasons, they are a changing

With two days to go before September ends, you would be forgiven for thinking that it is still summer. And yet, the last few mornings have been misty and decidedly cool. Yesterday for instance started off with thick mist and cloud cover, and yet by mid-afternoon I was sweltering in summer temperatures (29º Centigrade).
But, once October starts, certainly within the first two weeks, like everyone else in this island nation, I’ll be hunting out my thermals. The seasons are certainly changing but not in the way we are all used to.
Our summers are gradually getting longer and hotter. In some parts of the UK, no rain has been seen for months. Our winters are getting colder. Last winter was particularly cold. We had more snow than most of our younger citizens had ever seen in their short lives. Folk like me remember the years back in the late 1940’s early1950’s when drift snow was the norm. Back then houses were only heated by coal ranges and open fires. No house had double glazing, not that it slows down the escape of heat from inside to the world beyond. But besides acting as a sound barrier, it does help in a tiny way to stop cold coming in.
Why am I wittering on about the weather? God only knows. Perhaps it’s because I could find nothing in today’s news to bitch about. Give me time though, the day is still young(evil laugh).

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So You Want To Be A Writer

Ask yourselves this; what do you want to write about. If you’re literary goal is fiction, can you exist on next to nothing in the way of money and virtually become a recluse, deliberately shutting yourself off from everything you know to achieve your goal. If you still answered yes then read on…
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Since taking up the noble craft seriously back in 2003, I have begun to realize that to write you have to be a touch crazy, or perhaps that should read ‘touched’. What other calling do you know of which mentally rips your very soul to shreds – some form of martyrdom perhaps?
At the very least, you need to be what most people would describe as a ‘character’, or an ‘eccentric’. Above all, you must have an obsessive compulsion to write.
We’re not talking about your average journalistic hack here that gets sent on an assignment to write five hundred words on the local flower show; or, if he/she is considered worthy by the managing editor of the rag they write for, gets sent out to dig up dirt on a politician or a so-called celebrity. No. We’re talking about someone who loves the written word and fictitious stories, be they fantasy, sci-fi, paranormal, YA, humour in any genre, spy thrillers, murder, historically accurate tales, or even those god awful Mills & Boon style formulaic love stories, read by women across the world. In fact we’re talking about any genre you care to name.
We go through hell on a handcart to bring our stories to you the reader, believe me I know; I suffered my second breakdown over my first novel. We sacrifice what passes for a ‘normal’ existence for our necessarily solitary one. Some of us write in the morning, some in the afternoon. Some even write from dawn to dusk.
A few well know authors and most celebrities employ ‘ghost writers’ to do the hard stuff – writing, while they concentrate on dictating into a recording device of some sort. Perhaps you may like to consider being a ghost writer. Don’t dismiss the idea out of hand. At least while you’re writing someone else’s story, and being paid for it, you’re free to work on your own magnum opus. You may even consider writing some short stories for publication. There are a lot of competitions looking for new writers. Why not start up your own blog?
While one or two writers make millions in royalties, most do not. So unless you are passionate about writing, stick with your day job.
One last thing, on behalf of all we serious writers, please, please continue to read the product of all our work, and if you can, please give us feedback on our web pages and blogs. Without feedback from you the reader, how can we improve on our work?
I thank you for taking the time to read this. Please throw a coin in my hat as you pass me by.
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Getting Too Darned Big

I read an article earlier today Read Here about Amazon’s latest idea to boost sales of books. While I can understand that they want to shift the vast stocks of ‘physical’ books they have by lowering the book price even more, thereby making it impossible for the other book retailers to compete, what about the hard working writers who authored those books?
Amazon’s market share of the world of e-books is already the largest there is. Yet for something which takes up no physical space on their shelves, merely megabytes on a computer buried somewhere within Amazon’s vast number of storehouses or offices across the planet, they seem to think that every title they have on offer needs to be either simply given away, or offered at US$0.99c.
As for the actual printed books they are planning on virtually giving away next month, I say again, what about the authors of those books. We, the writers, have spent many months, years even, sweating over our pencils, pens, computers, to produce that tale you the reader are about to be given for virtually nothing, mostly earning zero for our effort until it is finally published – in some cases, not even then. But that is another story.
Is this a case of a company getting too darned big for its own boots? 
You decide…
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Your computer and you

If there is one thing I hate, its my laptop grinding to a halt. Why? Simple, its so full of crap like Cookie’s, unwanted links, unwanted endless records that some idiot (not me) decided all computer software can’t possible do without. Besides Cookies there are also even more examples of annoying software trivia. Without exception they are all useless to the user, but invaluable to those sneaky individuals who live their leech-like lives following your every keystroke. I give you Site Preferences, Active logins, Cache, Form and Search History and Browsing and Download History.

Just cleaning the outside of your computer, removing smudges, cigarette or cigar ash from between the keys, strands of tobacco or the odd hair that has fallen out of your head is largely pointless. The real rubbish sits on your hard-drive.

So take five minutes of your time to hit the ‘clean me now’ button. Mine can be found under the Tools heading at the top of the screen.

Of course you will have to once again log yourself in to all of those pages you use on a daily basis like Facebook for instance, which for some completely unfathomable reason only know to Mark Zuckerthingy, requires you to give your computer a name each time. Every time he asks me I call this laptop Fred.

So now ‘Fred’ is clutter free once more, we bid you all a good day.

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The Ultimate Teaser

Here is our (Glob’s and my) proposed introduction to his book.
Globular Van der Graff’s
“Goblin Tales for Adults”
Translated from goblin to human
By
 Jack Eason
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An Introduction

For far too long in my humble opinion, your average southern wood goblin has been much maligned. Far from being the loathsome evil creatures portrayed in fairy tales by human authors like The Brothers Grimm, designed to frighten children in centuries past, they are entirely friendly. I have got to know the author of these tales – Globular Van der Graff, or Glob as he likes to be called really well. I am of the firm belief that on the whole they are entirely misunderstood creatures.

Despite the way the predecessors of humanity, the Humins, first treated them when the two races met, two thousand summers before the first in this anthology of goblin tales happened, both races lived side by side in peace ever after.

The five wood goblins I met one day several months ago in a glade not far from here, when I was having a snooze in the afternoon sunshine  have existed in secret, hidden away from humanity, since those days thousands of years ago, till now. They are Globular Van der Graff (Glob), Makepeace Terranova (Make), Byzantine Du Lac (Byz), Eponymous Tringthicky (Mous) and finally, curmudgeonly old Neopol Stranglethigh (Neo). They continue to inhabit the most remote forests, living side by side with all the forest’s other inhabitants.

These friendly little beings seem to have taken over my life in one way or another by insisting I write downwhat Glob dictates to me. He will often wake me in the dead of night by standing on my chest, raring to tell me of yet another adventure or some mishap or other that had befallen him or one of his brothers. Why he chose me for the task of translating and recording his tales, I have still to learn. Needless to say I am honoured to do so. It is not every day that a lowly human is given such a chance.

At his insistence I have created for you an eyewitness history on paper of their world which they shared with our forebears the Humins, along with Witches of both black and white persuasions, Griffins, Wyverns, Gremlins, Ogre’s, Elves, Trolls, Dragons, the odd Wizard or two and an assorted collection of animals. At Glob’s insistence I have also left their conversations in their own vernacular rather than modern day English.

This anthology of their tales is a snapshot of their lives, their adventures and misadventures. I hope that when you have read them that you will look kindly on these tiny woodland individuals in the future, should they choose to visit you.

Now please sit back and turn to page one to enter their magical world.

Yours most humbly,

Jack Eason, honorary Southern Wood Goblin chronicler

PS – The editing is still ongoing. I have one more to tackle before I continue with Goblin Tale No:24.

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Oh no, surely not another "Goblin Tales For Adults" update.

Makepiece Terranova
Mornins all, its Make here. Sorries but Glob is busy. Our human chronicler is still busy re-workin the stories wot he has writ down from Glob’s dictation. He has four more ter do afor he can get back ter writtin. Meantime Glob checks on him every night ter make sure he aint slackin.
Nice talkin ter yer all. Bye for now,
Makepiece Terranova – Make ter me friends