After hearing constant requests asking when Globular Van der Graff’s Goblin Tales for Adults will appear as a paperback, I can now tell you I am slowly but surely preparing it. Like anything worth doing, it takes time.
Meantime, here is a complete list of all the characters and some of the places in Glob’s Tales.
Byzantine du Lac
Globular Van der Graff, (Glob)
Makepeace Terranova (Make),
Byzantine Du Lac (Byz)
Eponymous Tringthicky (Mous)
Neopol Stranglethigh (Neo)
Glob and co usually add an s to most words like likes for instance. They use I’s instead of I.
All goblins have green blood and leathery skin, pointed ears, long pointed noses and long bony fingers. Their mouths have sharp pointed teeth.
Simpleminded Byz uses fresh oak leaves in his armpits to battle body odour.
They all wear felt jerkins, kerchiefs and willow-bark boots. In winter they wrap spider web mufflers around their necks to keep out the cold and wear squirrel fur mittens.
The lads prize willow-wand above all other types of timber. They use it for things like crutches for example. They use hazel twigs as tooth picks. They all love acorn cake. They use honey as a salve, and dried sphagnum moss as an antiseptic bandage. Their favourite foods are: dried toadstool, dried mushroom, dried fish, wild onion, mint, honeycomb and Neo’s mead.
They always refer to the youthful as youngers, or yung.
Glob – oldest of the Goblins, leader. Has an ash staff tipped with a magic Emerald to summon Yathle the Wyvern. He loves to read ancient chronicles.
Byz – simple minded, apt to wander off if not tethered. Plays reed pipes, loves playing with spiders, snails, worms etc.
Mous (accident prone) always substitutes z for s. Prone to sulking often has bitter arguments with his best friend Make.
Neo – severely cross eyed, extremely bad tempered, love’s Miranda with all his heart. Makes and excellent mead and is responsible for manufacturing their willow bark boots, sewing them together using a bodkin and thread made from the best spider silk.
Make – Pipe smoker, portly; normally content with his lot. Loves honeysuckle flavoured tobacco. His most prized possession is his bestest briar pipe. Often despite regarding him as his bestest friend he accuses Mous of stealing his possessions.
Limberespan Van der Graff (Lim) – a distant cousin of Glob. On the run from a convict gang
Cazophen – black witch
Grizweavil Bragsbill (Brag) – mountain goblin archer and overseer of the gang Lim escaped from, intent on killing him.
Giath the Minotaur – set free from beneath goblindom by Byz forgetting his promise, never to play the tune again. A mythical beast from the underworld, who lives on the other side of the barrier. He is freed by Dill and rampages through the world. The humans living beyond goblindom’s magic barrier are dying in their droves.
Dillfeather Fairglorn (Dill) – a mountain goblin, who raids the nearest human settlements. Fierce and warlike.
Artemus Wainpin (Mus) – goblin Shaman, seeks help from the brothers and Yestin to combat Dill.
Monkwig Gribblehang (Monk) – chief of the mountain goblins
Miranda – Mica’s old mare, the love of Neo’s life is totally infatuated by the old cross eyed goblin. Her heart beats faster whenever she senses him close by.
Agnitha – Mica’s beautiful wife, daughter of the village shaman Yestin
Ylesse – daughter of Mica and Agnitha, dotes on her goblin uncle Neo
Mica – Humin and friend of Glob and co
Verig – Humin warrior
Cantor – Humin warrior
Jasper – Humin warrior
Manx – Humin warrior
Bejuss – One eyed lisping raven with a deformed beak always says me for I.
Yathle – wyvern, and her two sisters, Maeve and Iolanthe. Black slit pupils set within mesmerizing golden eyes, armoured head, similar in shape to her distant dragon cousins, snakelike tail with vicious barbs, metallic coloured scales, thick and powerful legs, two toed feet, armed with razor sharp claws – friend to all Goblins.
Main weapon – fiery breath in the form of bolts of fire. Always comes to their aid when summoned with Glob’s Emerald topped magical staff. Lives beyond the edge of the world. Wyverns are the mortal enemy of griffins.
Ariadne – Yathle’s cousin
Brilith – Plump, kind hearted, white witch of the East
His Esteemed Magnificence Obadiah Fingletook, Grand High Goblin – lives in the ancestor oak with the mother of all goblins, arrogant, childish, loves admiring himself – lazy.
Hermione Fingletook, the mother of all goblindom and the real power in Goblindom
Yestin – village shaman and father of Agnitha, grandfather of Ylesse
Crellen – Black arts wizard, teacher of Cazophen
Morweth – White Wizard, friend of Brilith
Lox – friendly female wood elf
Boggis – near sighted one eyed mountain troll – wicked, partial to snacking on goblins after fattening them up. Lives in a cave in Stone Mountain.
Slyth – griffin, friend of Bejuss
Garr – griffin Slyth’s brother
Griffins are the bane of all goblins – terrible creatures who think nothing of ripping off the legs of the goblins they catch.
Kilycke – black dragon
Grimefleet Binglenook (Bingle), the last elder goblin, lives to the south of the valley, who Neo loves dearly. Deaf as a post, bad tempered, almost blind – uses a carved snail shell as an ear-trumpet.
Grimsdyke Mugwurzle (Mug) northern plains goblin – purveyor of seeds. Upright, honest as the day is long. Large wart on the end of his nose sprouting five black hairs, thick animated bushy eyebrows – weather-beaten countenance – doesn’t appreciate a joke, nor mead. Jet black eyes. Uses ‘thee’ and ‘thine’ for you and yours.
Smikewhistle Pontigle (Pont) – goblin tailor
Witch’s-cage made from Elvin gold, Bejuss’ home. Whoever is trapped inside it is powerless to tell anything but the truth.
Grassnit Thimblefoot – Hermione’s chief scout
Figblaster Cornshuffle (Fig) Bearded mountain goblin – bounty hunter – gruff, frightening acquaintance of Neo
Fleetwood Cranberry (Cran) quick change artist, sly, devious, extortionist, thief and robber
Peesmold Grifflemew (Mew) goblin sage and leader of the wise council- friend of Bingle
Gropewort Winglemite esquire (Wing) aged plains goblin- toothless, cataracts – forgetful – always says ‘at yer service and so forth’ whenever he introduces himself.
Spindlenook Winglemite(Nook) – Wing’s pipe smoking younger brother. Tarred platted pigtail, long silver grey beard, smokes Elderberry flavoured baccy. Nook spent his whole life in the goblin navy on the great river, rising to the rank of captain. One eye, one arm, one leg.
Piemite Sweedlenewt (Mite) – travelling storyteller – 1’4″ tall
Pigwort Minkclaw (Mink) – ex miner who ran away. Blind and dumb – dying from the toxic effects of Crellan’s mine
Grythle Snickweed (Snick) – mountain goblin mercenary – employed in the pressgang for Crellan’s mine
Broglik Cantfurgle (Brog) – plains goblin mercenary – another member of Mordern’s band of thugs
Mordern Bigsnook (Dern) – plains goblin and escaped felon. Leader of the pressgang – sly, devious, presses you into service.
Snailwort Dewthorn (Dew) – goblin seer. He predicts the future via his massive throbbing bunion.
Oliphant Wiseblat (Oli) – rogue plains goblin. Murders and robs all across Goblindom
The Widow Spires – a chain of mountains on Goblindom’s eastern border where Crellan lives
The Wise Council – a body of learned ancient goblins entrusted with carrying out the laws as laid down in the Great Book.
Morag – queen of the humans accepts the help of Goblindom
Olin – human chief, son of Morag. Sees Bejuss as either Huginn, or Muninn – Odin’s raven messengers.