If you want a copy of it from Amazon.com, click on the only known depiction of Globular Van der Graff actually sitting down to read his Goblin Tales.
I compiled the anthology of tales quiet a while ago, under the original title Globular Van der Graff’s Goblin Tales for Adults. I had to change the title because some people these days rightly or wrongly associate the word ‘adult’ with pornography, which the anthology very definitely is not!
In its previous incarnation, like every other book of mine the minute it received any kind of positive review, it was immediately attacked. In this instance, being termed childish in the extreme by one of Amazon’s more vociferous inhouse trolls.
There is a lesson to be learnt here people! Goblin Tales demise was due entirely to me naively following bad advice to offer it for free in the first place when originally promoting it. All that ever achieves is to make any book written by an Indie author the next target for the haters out there who are always waiting to pounce!
I cannot stress this point enough – NEVER EVER BE TEMPTED TO OFFER YOUR BOOK(S) FOR FREE!!!! Instead when promoting your book, lower the price for a short period of time to attract buyers. But don’t be tempted to offer it at US$0.99 cents unless you want bad reviews!
Consequently Goblin Tales is now completely ignored by the reading public, to the point where I can’t even give it away any more. For it to stand any chance, the perusing public must stop believing what Amazon’s trolls had to say about the original version, and take note of the genuine positive reviews.
Goblin Tales consists of thirty loosely linked short stories about a family of goblins who long ago befriended a young humin male called Mica sharing their adventures with him. Why humin? That’s what Glob and his kind always called our ancestors.
Why did I write it? Because I had never written in the genre before. Plus every fantasy story ever written always portrays goblins as evil – just think of the loathsome Orcs in J.R.R. Tolkien’s books if you want proof.
So I decided it was high time that goblins were portrayed to the world in a new light. My plucky band of heroes are led by their long suffering leader, Globular Van der Graff, or Glob as he is known to his friends. The rest of his often chaotic household consists of his brothers, Makepeace Terranova (Make), Byzantine Du Lac (Byz), Eponimous Tringthicky (Mous) and Neopol Stranglethigh (Neo), not forgetting the absolute clown in the tales and my personal favourite, Bejuss, the one eyed lisping raven with the twisted beak.
Did I have fun writing it? Hell yes!
Am I proud of it? Hell yes!
Why didn’t Amazon’s trolls like it? Apart from the fact that I’m an Indie author, who can say for certain? Mind you, it could also be that they struggled to come to terms with the fact that whenever I recorded the goblin brothers in conversation, I used Goblin speak instead of normal English. A completely understandable reaction under the circumstances when you consider that today’s trolls, particularly the ones domiciled in the United States, struggle to get to grips with the original version of the English language in the first place, often showing their lack of education by complaining of spelling errors by non American authors
Will I write a sequal? Probably not, despite being asked to by The Story Reading Ape, Derek Haines and others who enjoyed it, given the way it was utterly trashed.
Here the blurb:
A very long time ago, there once was a land called Goblindom hidden behind a magic barrier to protect its inhabitants from mankind. Man’s ancestors the humins lived there quietly alongside wyverns, griffins, trolls, witches and wizards as well as woods, mountain and plains goblins, ravens, eagles and many more creatures.
This anthology is a collection of thirty tales, which I have translated from goblin into English thanks to Globular Van der Graff, a friendly southern woods goblin who told them to me not long ago. They are not my tales, they are his.
For a long time, like most human children I disbelieved the stories read to me by my parents of goblins, witches and wizards, wyverns and griffins, believing them to be nothing more than tales designed to entertain, until that first fateful early morning visit several months ago, when Glob physically sought me out and deliberately entered my life.
I hope and pray that like me, you will all open your hearts and minds to the fact that goblins, especially of the noble and friendly southern woods kind, do still actually exist today. Through necessity for their own protection they have to hide from the modern world you and I live in. If you are fortunate as I undoubtedly am, some may even be living in an oak wood near you.
Lastly, may I just say on behalf of Glob whose anthology this is, not forgetting for one moment his good friend Bejuss, and his goblin brothers, Make, Mous, Neo, Byz, and myself, how much we thank you for taking the time to read this, the first ever written record of the once magical land of Goblindom.
So there you have it. Yet another of my favourites killed off by one star troll reviews…