What is it with flies? Why do they feel the need to want to drive you to distraction? You know the ones I’m talking about, the kind who sneak inside your home undetected. They decide to sit on you, not caring exactly which part, just so long as it is out of your immediate reach. Or, they settle on your television screens and wander back and forth, leaving those tiny spots of fly doody while distracting you from enjoying the programme. Or, they decide that your cup of coffee or sandwich looks inviting.

Every summer I have at least one who decides that it is its duty to live with me. Usually the little beggar lands on the toes of my right foot at least twice, my stomach once or twice, the sole of my left foot at least six times. Sometimes it sneaks down the inside of my chair beside me and decides that the right side of my body would benefit from being walked on.

The trouble with this little invader of my privacy is that he is the latest design in flies – the stealth model. He makes no noise when he spreads his wings. He doesn’t constantly go for your face. No, he hides, waiting patiently until you are no longer watching, then he strikes. He’s really smart. If I go and get the fly spray, he disappears from the room. The sneaky little so and so hides in the shadows with the multi lenses of his beady eyes trained on me, ready to make his next sneak attack.

With no sign of Spring as yet, even though the equinox has come and gone, at least for the moment I am fly free. Note to self: Head for the nearest pet shop while winter weather still prevails in search of the flies’ nemesis – a half starved Gecko…